Breaking news, dear readers! The talented artists from Mbale have decided to pack up their bags and leave their beloved city for the big, bad world of Kampala. According to our sources, the artists are tired of performing for peanuts, getting no airplay, and dealing with their negative Nancy colleagues. They’re also unhappy with the lack of music sponsors and managers in Mbale, who apparently don’t believe in them as much as their moms do.
But fear not, Mbale music lovers, because we have a list of the top ten artists who are sure to shake things up in the industry. Let’s take a closer look at who they are:
First on the list is Youngkay de Phamous, the trendy rapper who’s known to make Mbale residents go wild with his sick beats. It’s said that his rhymes are so fire, they could even start a bushfire!
Titus Vybes is the second artist on the list, and he’s a fan favorite thanks to his soulful melodies and catchy tunes. The only problem is that he’s always lost in his own world, so sometimes his performances are a bit like watching paint dry.
Next up is Umar Eazie, the dancehall sensation who’s all about those Gishu vibes. He’s got a unique sound that’s sure to make him a household name, as long as he remembers to put down the mivumba and practice.
Warren Tix is the fourth artist on our list, and he’s all about that love music. He’s also the only artist in Mbale who can afford a car, which makes him a bit of an enigma. We’re not sure how he does it, but we suspect it involves some kind of voodoo magic.
Fifth on the list is Nofia, who’s rumored to be incredibly wealthy (although no one knows how he got that way). His hit song is trending in Mbale, and he’s even worked with the Wembly Boys from Kampala. We think he may be part of some kind of secret society.
Frencha Nezza is the sixth artist on the list, and he’s the handsome heartthrob who’s all about the ladies and dancehall music. He’s definitely one to watch, but we’re not sure if he’s more interested in his female fans or his own reflection.
Epic Boy Calvin is also on the list, and he’s aspiring to be the next Jamaican superstar. With his smooth vocals and catchy hooks, he’s well on his way, as long as he can avoid the temptation to spend all his money on bling.
Rexy Umasijje is another artist on the rise with his hot new song “Open & Close.” Rumor has it that the song was produced by none other than Emlece Cypher, the top music producer who left Mbale for greener pastures in Kampala. We’re not sure how Rexy managed to afford Emlece’s services, but we suspect it involved some kind of shady deal.
Cece Ryte is eighth on our list, and although we’re not sure if he’s still making music, his old hits are still being played in Mbale. We suspect he’s either retired to a beach somewhere or he’s secretly living in Kampala under a new identity.
Bygben is another artist trying to make a comeback after falling from grace, and he’s teamed up with Dopeboy on a hot new track. We’re not sure if it’s a match made in heaven or a recipe for disaster, but we’re definitely curious to find out.
Speaking of Dopeboy, he claims to own Eleven Eleven Records. After a quick Google search, we discovered that Eleven Eleven Music Group was co-founded in 2012 by publishing industry veterans Jewel Coburn and Jason Morris. Hey, maybe Dopeboy bought some shares! maybe next he’ll tell us he’s secretly related to Beyonce.
Well, well, well… San Scee really knows how to network, huh? He ate along with the NRM and used his fellow artists to reach the top. But hey, at least he made it!
Meanwhile, we’ll be keeping an eye on Inspector Jill, Shan Joe Will, and the rest of the crew as we investigate their careers.
Talking about inspector jill, we heard he became a music producer, and where is iddi masaba, did he join the big three.
And what about Swaibu, The Guy who made a kadodi beat that even scan see had the guts to say he was the founder of kadodi hahaa? He made a kadodi hit that nobody else could have dreamed up. Nobody knows who he is or that he owns the kadodi beat. But hey, who needs fame and recognition when you’ve got a killer beat, right?
We forgot k mas, what happened to his music career
Well, it looks like Lanisha Jovia might have to stick to making music instead of running for president! With only 13 votes, it seems like her campaign didn’t quite strike a chord with the general public. Maybe next time she should focus on writing catchy campaign slogans instead of catchy hooks! But hey, at least she can always count on the support of her family and friends – they’ll always be her biggest fans, no matter what.
And then there are the other talented artists in Mbale who have yet to hit the big time, like Astar 95, Ohrasta, Sytrus Kondo, bony fighter, bashbreezy, gitts beats, bigy blood, Sharon Sento, and Isiah Destiny. Let’s hope that God opens doors for them soon, because life in Mbale just wouldn’t be the same without their vibrant music scene. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll get the recognition they deserve once the music industry stops treating them like the opening act for a goat auction.